Before you cross

Pondering these days on this time two years ago, it still makes my heart flutter a little bit. I hold on with a greater grasp and with a deeper understanding that He certainly does guide and make all things new even in the midst of struggle.

-----I stood at the bank, the waters stopped and the rest of the journey was ahead.

My body weathered from a difficult pregnancy and c-section. Our tiny four week old baby preemie had just begun to find the source of provision and no longer was the bottle her place of safety. Weeks before her birth, we had brought home two boys that were worn from years of hardship and a sense of not being wanted and cherished. One floundered, the other surviving as both were trying to take on a new role, family, culture, language and country. The little boys scooted over and let these new big brothers fill their shoes. They graciously loved, yet at times struggled to know their place.

 My husband pushed us all to prepare for setting sails in a few days. Four months before I had packed bags in a day and took a language test to leave our home in Asia because of pregnancy complications. Now I was filling suitcases for seven with the basic necessities. I was still not quite comfortable with having a newborn as she was my first and I wasn’t sure what an eight year old would like to play with for the next three years.

Those on the outside might have believed we were blossoming. Pictures showed happy smiles and matching outfits on these once orphans, but we knew that they only showed us what was really going on in their storm-tossed hearts. We were all stumbling and looking for the Savior to grab us by the hand.

I stood there that day packing in weariness questioning, not His will, but how were we to survive the 60 plus hour return trip let alone living together in a foreign land away from family and familiar. We barely knew each other and there seemed to be more brokenness being spilled out then joy of a new family formed. My lot seemed especially heavy during that season. I begged Him to see me in my weakness and give me rest.

I stepped in the waters. The Father’s tender words reminding me of my covenant to follow and forsake myself; I had vowed these words eight years before as we became husband and wife on that hot and humid July day. No matter the voyage, I chose to follow.

Actually, it began as a six year old as I gave Christ my heart and then years after during my freshman year in college – I laid my life down and said, “I consider everything a loss compared to knowing Christ Jesus.” It is the phrase that has held me together on times when the wilderness seemed endless.

My heart will always be His so I want to follow even when it doesn’t feel good or seem like the easy path.

The waters parted and we crossed the ocean to follow His calling.

Leaving the wilderness does not mean that our days of suffering our complete, it means the abundant is ahead hidden with lurking enemies, mortal temptations and a land flowing with abundance.

As we step over we place that stone down and remember His workings, deliverance and promises fulfilled. Just as He hovered over us as we marched on in the wilderness so too His presence will be our sustainment as we begin to take possession.

We all have endured pain, whether it is a new land, ache of a lost family member, death of a loved one, a sister revealing her faith just wasn’t as genuine as we believed, a broken child, financial woes or a distant spouse.

Our faith remains constant even if our emotions and strength falter.

The path up until this point has been treacherous and thrilling. Day of hardship has been met with acts of provision and awesome works. The Sustainer of all meets the need even when complaining lips were the source of a request from a worn people. He knows our sufferings and though His heart detests our questioning of His goodness, He still hears.

 He is the means of rescue from the enemy, He hears our every cry.

It is through each of these that we see the Lord’s provision and goodness. He graciously gives us seasons in the broad places and there we rest and prepare for the journey ahead; because the giants have already been seen and we know that battles are ahead.

We must remind ourselves again and again that what we are really longing for are for our feet to be in our forever home.

Life is beautiful but there were (and are) certainly days of affliction. We cry tears of pain and we laugh with hearts full of thanksgiving. On our best days a little more life draws us together as we hope for what another day will bring.

This God in His ways surpass what we hoped and even knew possible.

He led us to barren places and to those with a view too beautiful to capture.

We are learning to trust Him again and again that He is truly good.

Trust Him that He is goodness. Trust Him as He ask you to take that step of faith resting confident ---that He is present in the storm and feast.
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A new year brings with it a new way to prepare for the glory unseen. Our family is choosing to embrace the journey and struggle in this year of great mercy.

From glory to glory…